Friday, October 16, 2015

Relationship Myths and Questions

This whole dating, relationship, growing up thing is hard. I've come to realize that I'm always learning and that many people know a lot better than I do. One thing I'm struggling with right now is relationships. As most of you know, I ended my longest, most serious relationship earlier this summer. So now, here comes the tough part, dating. This is the first time I'm dating out of college now, since my last relationship was technically post-grad, but we had met in college, at a fraternity, and we partied like we were still in college. So I'm not counting it as a post-grad relationship.

I'm a very self-confident person about myself and about my decisions. However, this is one thing that I just don't know what to think. I can't tell whether I should blaze my own trails or listen to others. I'm getting a feeling it's a weird mix of both.

Right now, I'm dating someone. It's new, it's fun, and I enjoy it. I've had people tell me it's too soon since I ended my last relationship. I've had people say that he's just "not the one". I've had people say that he's a complete opposite to my last boyfriend, and how that's weird about the variety of men I date. I've had people tell me that I'll eventually figure out what I want when I get older. All of the above comments make me groan. Most of my friends and family keep their opinions to themselves, but sometimes when I hear even a few comments like this it causes me so much self-doubt.

Relationships Myths and Questions | Alanna & Company

In response to all these comments, I think:

It's too soon...

Is there a math equation that you are using to determine this? Do you realize that each person works on their own timeline?

Not the one...

I'm still really not sure this is a thing. To all my married readers, is there a "one" that you just knew the instant that you met them? What if I figure out that someone is the "one" for me after a year of dating? Does that happen? What if I have many "ones" for me? (or no one) So many questions.

Relationships Myths and Questions | Alanna & Company

Secondly, how do others know this on your behalf? Isn't this something you need to determine for yourself? I get that if your friends or family notice a few red flags, they can see why it won't work. But I'm skeptical if they just "have a feeling" or don't really know him.

He's not anything like your ex-boyfriend...

Good! And no, don't think that I'm over-rotating. I'm learning what I like and what I don't like. 

You'll figure it out when you're older...

Maybe....however, one of my close friends just got married and she's 24. Guess when she met her husband? Over SEVEN years ago in high school. Does she not have it figured out because of her age?

Relationships Myths and Questions | Alanna & Company

It's a frustrating process and honestly, I might be being stubborn about this and maybe these are all true. Maybe I am over-rotating and I don't realize it yet. Maybe I will be gifted with wisdom at the age of 30 and know everything I want in a man. Maybe at 30 my mystery dream man will walk into my life and I will know forever and always that we were always meant to be together. Maybe? I don't know.

All of this is frustrating and stressful and I just want to enjoy and figure life out. If I'm most happy doing that with someone in a relationship, I feel like I should be able to try it out. Why shouldn't I date the guy who I like right now and see if things fall into place? If not, what's the worst that can happen?  We break up, we move on, life continues. I've done it before.

Where do you draw the line and listen to your heart and not other's advice? What advice do you have for me about dating?

(All photos from Giphy)

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